One of the most diffcult things I’ve found in living with stage 4 cancer, is the lack of stories of each other. 

Don’t get me wrong. I know how this story ends: I know the timeline, I know the side effects, I know things are going to suck. I’ve done plenty of raging and crying against how unfair it is. There’s a lot of bad stories out there. Because yes this does entirely suck and its entirely unfair. Nevermind that a hard story is sexy and that’s what sells and gets donations. Nobody wants to hear the success story.

But there is so much life in between the diagnosis and the end that we don’t talk about. There’s just no stories of people like me and what it’s like to go through this. We don’t talk about managing symptoms, of the new treatments and the new meds. Of what getting a week of full brain radiation is actually like. The hope and the hardship. The things that become normalized like having to get IV treatment every three weeks. Or the fear every three months brings you.

We don’t just talk about how this is also a normal piece of life. 

It could be some other disease I had. Diabetes, MS, a stroke. And they all suck. But life is still happening. Our son is still growing up. Our business still needs to keep moving. The last 12 months were admittedly a bit of a reprieve from this all, lulling me into a soft blanket that I was stable. 

And I was, until I wasn’t. 

Life didn’t end a year and a half ago. I still got to do so much. See so much. Be so much. And I still can be. We can take adventures, and try new things, and just live our lives around the symptoms and side effects. One day, one moment, at a time. 

I’m still here for as long as I can be. Living with cancer. Living.

I’ve just decided to fuck it and try to post here regularly. Share some of the fiction I’ve written instead of hoarding it. Share some of the lessons I’ve learned in TTRPGS, small biz, communications, and community building. Share a slice of life of what it’s actually like to be living with cancer.

Because maybe there is someone else like me going through this huge diagnosis. Knowing the end is coming. But life is also coming. Life is here. And we’re going to live it for every day.

Because there is light in the middle of this.