“I believe people. Even if it’s weird, even if it doesn’t make sense, I want to believe them. I want to see the good in them. I give my heart to everyone I meet and I put it in everything I do. And sometimes it hurts–often it hurts, actually…” And I glanced back to Ben, wishing I had taken that moment on the porch and trapped it in a jar. “I can’t ever control how someone else treats me, but I can control how I choose to live and how I choose to treat others. And I’d worried about what other people thought and what other people wanted from me for years because I actually thought it mattered.”
This past weekend, I was honoured to be the Participant of Hope at the Fraser Valley Relay for Life for the Canadian Cancer Society. I got to share my story, so here it is!
This is a story about Dungeons & Dragons. And about Fundraising. Little of both.
The first time I fundraised for the Canadian Cancer Society, I was 12. My Pathfinder group sold daffodils outside the local IGA as our service project. At the time, I didn’t directly know anyone who had cancer. Cancer was just the Big Bad Evil Guy in the books I’d read growing up. It was something that other people, old people, got but nobody really talked about. I remember thinking how these pretty yellow flowers looked sitting in their water buckets just waiting to be chosen. I couldn’t figure out how something so cheerful and delicate could fight this Big Bad.
My senior year of highschool, I joined our school’s Mission: Possible crew, a group that was dedicated to raising funds and awareness at the school level. We sold yellow ribbons and pins in the foyer at lunch time and after school. Thanks to the club I learned more about what cancer was, that it wasn’t just old people who got it, but I definitely still felt like it happened to people I didn’t know. It was still just a storytale.
And then cancer came home. As I was studying for provincial exams and worrying about post-secondary, my dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer. My parents said it was Serious and yet Not Serious in the way that parents do, that he’d only need surgery and recovery. Surgery happened in June, so you can be sure that I studied for my exams under his watchful and very bored eye as he recovered at home.
The next time I fundraised, I did it for my Dad.
I was in university and my Dad’s work was sponsoring the Father’s Day Prostate Cancer walk. Team For Pete’s Sake came together and every step of that charity 5k walk had meaning because now I was fundraising for someone I loved. Cancer seemed like it could still be the Big and Scary Monster, but a little less so. My Dad was doing well, we were fundraising to ensure other Dads didn’t have to walk that path too. It was all going to be okay.
Big Bad laughed.
My senior year in university, Big Bad came home again. This time it was my mom, diagnosed with breast cancer. Her lumpectomy, the chemo, the radiation, her bravery, her pain, her courage, her will to fight back: now the Big Bad felt real. It was there everyday, showing me what real big and scary looked like. But my mom showed me what bravery looks like, where the adventurer picks up their sword every day and just. Keeps. Going.
The next time Team for Pete’s Sake did the Father’s Day walk, every step meant that much more. I was doing it for both my parents.
And then 2017 happened. My husband Blair and I not-so-lovingly refer to it as “The Year From Hell”. It was a year that started with my husband being in two serious car accidents and ended with me being diagnosed with stage three breast cancer. At 31 and a newlywed, cancer was not on my character sheet. I can still remember that moment when I heard those words, “You have cancer.” I was at the Breast Health Clinic in Abbotsford and the nurse had lovely black hair with bright blue streaks. I went numb. I could hardly breathe. All I could do was stare across the room at my mom as my brain processed the fact that Big Bad had now come for me.
All those years, all those kilometers walked, all those ribbons and flowers sold… was I doing it for me all along?
Yes.
But also no.
If you’ve never played Dungeons & Dragons, or D&D as it’s often called, it’s a tabletop game where the players work together to tell a story. The Game Moderator acts as the story narrator, setting the scene for the other players and giving them opportunities for adventure. The other players take on the role of the heroes of the story, needing to interact and work together in order to succeed and ultimately tell an awesome tale. While I was undergoing cancer treatments, the game allowed Me and Blair to connect with our friends on a regular basis, we were able to play online over Zoom when I was immunocompromised, and it allowed us to step away from “real life” for a bit as we wove tales of what our characters would do.
One of the big elements of D&D is that when the Big Bad Evil Guy arrives, the adventurer’s rise up to fight back. The Big Bad had come for me, and like the characters we get to play in our favourite game, it was our turn to roll.
Across that room in the Breast Health Clinic my mom looked at me and nodded. That one look told me I could do this. That I wouldn’t be alone. That it didn’t matter how small and fragile and scared I was feeling. Because I had my Mom and Dad, warriors who had tread this path before me. I had my husband, who has the biggest shoulders to carry me–emotionally, and yes there were times he had to literally carry me. I had my friends, who donned their armor and brought their swords to fight next to me. I had the Canadian Cancer Society and the connections I made with others who were on this journey, too.
In 2018, Team Andrea’s Adventurers participated in our first Relay for Life. We fundraised for me, yes, but also for every person who has been in our shoes. Because in Dungeon and Dragons when one party member is attacked, we all roll for initiative.
For a while, COVID-19 tried to be the scariest monster on the table. But just like the Big Bad Evil Guy in stories, cancer doesn’t stop just because there’s another monster around. Over the pandemic, Andrea’s Adventurers Charity RPG Weekend launched online. Nine Game Moderators and 30+ players played nine games of Dungeons and Dragons over 40 hours and three days. We raised $10,000 by telling stories together. When such a kind, caring community teams up with you for this common goal—people who are willing to do shots of Hot Sauce…numerous shots of hot sauce on what is essentially live television–I truly feel like one of the brave adventurers in the stories we tell.
In 2021, my mom was diagnosed with cancer again. My mom continues to fight with a fierness found in most prairie folk and wise warriors. She is the bravest, kindest, strongest, most loving person I know. Even in her most pain-filled days, she always has joy and love to share. Those are the weapons she wields to tell Big Bad that it hasn’t won yet.
This past weekend was our third year running our online D&D event. On Sunday as I thanked all my volunteers, I cried happysad tears. I was reminded of those cheerful daffodils from my very first fundraiser. I finally understood why something so delicate could fight a Big Bad like cancer. Because it’s a reminder that no matter how fragile I feel, I can be brave, too. That with every flower, ribbon, and step, my adventuring party is with me. And that together, we will win this fight against cancer.
Well-meaning words, the speaker wanting to share in your happiness. They come from a place of joy, not malicious intent.
And yet, they cut deep.
Five years ago, I was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer. I had a single mastectomy then to remove the cancer from my body. I made the decision then to not get reconstructive surgery. It would have meant two to three more surgeries, plus no guarantee of a successful reconstruction.
Last year, I had a prophylactic (preventative) mastectomy to reduce the risk of cancer returning. I still decided to forgo plastic surgery. I’d always felt a little uncomfortable with my breasts. They drew attention I didn’t always want. Men would talk only to my chest and not to me. Bras were annoying and never fit quite right, sometimes they chafed. They got in the way a lot. Not having breasts felt freeing.
I have prosthetics that I can wear, but most of the time I don’t bother. I was mostly content in my new flatness. This is my body now, literal scars and all.
Then the pandemic restrictions started to lift. I had to go back to the office. I had to go out more and more. I saw more people. The well-meaning comments about my possible pregnancy began.
My weight tends to go to my belly. Not having breasts makes my belly really obvious.
The last five year have been exceptionally difficult for me and my husband. One difficult circumstance after another has landed in our laps, in addition to a global pandemic. Trauma does things to bodies, and I’ve put on more weight.
I’ve always been self-conscious about my belly. I look at photos of myself from ten and twenty years ago and feel sad for the person I was who thought she was fat. I hate that feeling fat made me feel bad about myself then, that I felt ugly and unworthy. I hate that it still makes me feel bad about myself. I’ve been working hard to untangle these feelings about my weight and my looks, to repair some of my learned beliefs. To feel like my body is worthy.
And while the pregnancy comments do trigger my self-esteem regarding my weight, they cut even deeper than that. They’re a reminder of a dream that is just out of my grasp right now.
Blair and I have been trying to expand our family with a kiddo for six years. A year of trying ourselves before the cancer bomb went off. Then having my eggs harvested in between having a traumatic surgery and starting chemotherapy. Then learning that the hormones a body needs to make a baby are exactly what my cancer likes to eat. Years of processing this grief that my body won’t do what it should do, working through the guilt and the loss. Making the big (and expensive) decision to pursue surrogacy. Putting our hearts on our sleeves to find a surrogate. Trying once, twice, three times with no success. Still putting our hopes out into the universe and putting our hearts into someone else’s hands.
My belly is a reminder of grief and loss, of pain and struggle and sacrifice. It’s a reminder of a story not yet finished; a reminder of dreams not yet reached.
According to my BGStats game app, I played 78 different games last year. That’s a game and a half for every week of the year! While many were repeats, I did manage to get in many new-to-me games.
Here are my top new-to-me games of 2018, in no particular order.
One Night Ultimate Alien
Okay, I lied. Of all the games we played last year, the One Night Ultimate series of games definitely topped the list, with Alien taking the cake between the different version of this game (Werewolf, Vampire, and Daybreak). This is a fun, social deduction game that can be played in under 10 minutes. Each player is given a role (which is secret), and the group tries to figure out who the aliens are, while the aliens try to keep their role a secret. It’s easy to teach and learn, and you’ll be pleasantly surprised how everyone gets into the game. Alien offers a randomness factor that the other versions don’t, which makes it my favourite, but this version also requires the phone app when the others don’t need it (I do recommend using it regardless so that everyone can play).
Charterstone
The hubby gifted this to me for Christmas in 2017, and I will admit I was skeptical at first. But he gets to say “I told you so.” Charterstone is a resource management legacy game, where players are building a town in the hopes of it becoming the new capital city. We enjoyed our first play-through of this game that we bought both a recharge pack (which allows you to replay the game at a fraction of the cost of buying a new version) and we bought a new copy of the game. We’re also playing another copy that our friend bought.
Pandemic Legacy Season 2
Pandemic is one of my all-time favourite games. So it’s no surprise that we had to play the Legacy versions. Our Thursday night game group loved Season 1, so we snapped up Season 2 as soon as it was released. Gotta say, Season 2 definitely kicked it out of the park, and was even better than its predecessor. Having said that, I am tempted to pick up a new copy of Season 1 and go again.
Century: Spice Road
This was recommended to me by my FLGS. It’s another resource building/deck building hybrid where you buy action cards that help you get resources which ultimately allows you to take goal cards (and victory points). It’s a fairly fast-paced game that satisfies the strategy part of the brain, while also being less than an hour to play.
Okanagan: Valley of Lakes
The hubby and I saw this game at Terminal City Tabletop Convention 2018 and were both interested in playing it, so we borrowed a copy from TCTC’s library. Within the first round of play we knew this game was meant for us, so Blair went and bought it. It’s a tile laying game somewhat reminiscent of Carcasonne, but with a totally different scoring mechanism. Also, I was totally charmed by the Okanagan theme (since the Okanagan Valley is here in BC).
Railroad Ink
This one was a Christmas gift for 2018, and we immediately loved the simplicity of this game. You have to try to create circuits using railroads and roads; the more exits you connect, and the longer certain route types you have, the more points you get. But the pieces are random dice rolls, so you could end up in a disaster in city planning. It’s a quick, portable game… another easy to teach, easy to learn.
Terraforming Mars
I was introduced to this one by my brother-in-law. It’s a resource management style game with a space theme. There are different ways that you can win. It’s a much longer, crunchier game, but once you’ve played a few rounds it’s easy to pick up. The only thing I don’t like about this game is that the rulebook is really badly written, so I’d recommend using one of the many how-to-play videos on Youtube.
Were there any games you tried for the first time in 2018 and loved? Tell me about them in the comments!
Life threw me a major curveball in 2017. I’ve shared bits of it over on twitter, but if you don’t follow me there: I was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer, and spent the last year and a half going through treatment. I’m officially considered a cancer survivor, but as any survivor will tell you, it’s something that will echo through the rest of my life.
And thus for my first post back I’m going to talk about… the healing power of gaming!
There are a lot of benefits to tabletop gaming, even if you aren’t suffering a major illness. But reflecting back, gaming really was a positive factor that got me through the bad times. My husband and I wouldn’t have made it through this past couple of years if it hadn’t been for our family, and for our awesome friends who kept our spirits up through gaming.
TCTC 2018 with my hair just barely starting to grow back.
Since I’m a big fan of lists these days, here are my ways that gaming helped me heal:
Distraction. Gaming gave me the chance to think about something else. Whether it was an immersive RPG or just a quick five minute party game, it gave me something totally different to focus on than my medical issues.
Escape. With Dungeons & Dragons and role-playing games, I was able to become someone else for a while. For a few hours I wasn’t “Andrea the cancer patient”, I was Ocoria the Goliath Monk, Ellie the vampire, or Wren the Starfleet Security Officer. It also gave me the chance to feel their strength even when I wasn’t feeling strong in my own life.
Connection. My friends wanted to be supportive and present in my life, but sometimes it was difficult for them to know what to do or say. Gaming gave our friends a way to bring some extra positivity into our lives when we desperately needed it. I think this really solidified our friendships in many ways.
Accessibility. New technology in the gaming sphere allowed me to continue playing, even when some of the side effects of my treatment would have otherwise prevented me. I could still participate in our regularly scheduled D&D games on roll20 without having to leave our house.
Mental focus. Chemo brain is this fuzz that rolls into your mind and memory. Some days it feels like you’re in a heavy fog. Some days it’s like your short term memory has taken a vacation. But gaming gave me something specific to focus and concentrate on, to help me keep my mental acuity as sharp as I could.
Laughter. It really is the best medicine. Even on the worst days, laughter was possible. (And laughter releases endorphins, which makes you feel happier.)
Gaming conventions are a great place to meet new people who share your interest, try new games without taking the risk of buying a game first, and to share your favourite games with others. But if you’re an introvert like me, sometimes conventions can be intimidating because they require a fair amount of energy and socializing.
Fret not! The good times and gaming at cons definitely outweigh the energy requirements. Over the years I’ve learned ways to make the most out of gaming convention while keeping my introvert sanity.
Here are my tips for introverts to survive a gaming convention:
Start small / go big. There are advantages and disadvantages to attending small conventions and bigger ones. Small conventions tend to be quieter, but more intimate. Bigger conventions make it easier to disappear with the crowd, but the noise level and number of people are also a lot more stressful. I plan my activities and break times for each type accordingly. If it’s your first time going to a con, determine what size you’re comfortable with against what you hope to get out of the event.
Take a friend. This ensures you’ll always have a buddy to play games with. It’s even better if you have an extroverted friend who knows your introversion. I’m terrible at introducing myself and making small talk, but husband is awesome at it. Or if I’m feeling particularly bashful about approaching someone I want to talk to, he either helps to give me courage or is willing to step up and help me approach them.
Find a quiet space. Whether it’s a quiet corridor or a coffee shop down the street, find a space where you can get out of the noise. This will help you build your energy reserve back up again. This is especially important if you aren’t staying at the con hotel and don’t have your own space to flee to!
Stay at the convention hotel. By having a space that’s my ‘own’ that’s only a short elevator ride away means I have that quiet space I can escape to when I just need to get out of the noise and be a zombie for an hour. I know this can be costly, but over the years I’ve found this is the best option for me attending a convention. Otherwise, try to stay with a friend who lives close enough to the convention and doesn’t mind you returning to their place by yourself for a few hours.
Take breaks. Don’t feel pressured to DOALLTHETHINGS. Instead of gaming 12 hours straight, set your own pace. Watch games being played, go for a walk, or borrow a game from the library and read it’s rulebook.
Stay fed and hydrated. This will help you keep your energy levels up for longer.
Teach a game you know. Not only does it automatically give you something to talk about that you like, but it’s also a way to ensure you have a captive audience. The only downside to this is if it’s a particularly noisy event space, it’s really easy for an introvert to lose their voice as they fight to be heard. After DMing one session of D&D5e last year at a con that was in a gymnasium, I could hardly be heard when I spoke for the rest of the event…
Volunteer. Sometimes having a specific task to focus on makes it easier for me to break out of my shell, especially when I’m having a low energy day.
Go outside your comfort zone. I’ve made awesome friends, learned new games, and had some cool opportunities happen because I was willing to go outside my comfort zone. That’s not to say you have to be uncomfortable for the entire event, but sometimes introducing yourself to a game designer, trying a new game, or volunteering will be worth it. (Of course, when I say go outside your comfort zone, I don’t mean try something that is or makes you feel unsafe. Trust your gut).
Introvert friends: are there any other tips for introverts at conventions I missed?
Blair and I just had a gamer bucket list item scratched off! We just returned from the GAMA Trade Showin Las Vegas. Hosted by the Game Manufacturers Association, this five day show focuses on games from the business perspective: designers, manufacturers, and game stores are all represented.
Three days of the show are focused on learning. There’s a Designer’s Track aimed at game designers. There’s also a few panels focused on game published. The bulk of the learning is aimed at game stores and the selling of games. Blair and I were attending on behalf of Pastime Sports & Games, so we focused on the game store aspect.
Goodness did we learn a lot! There were lots of great insights shared by experienced retailers. Panels I attended included:
Forging the Fires of Awesome – Paul Butler discussed what makes certain games a success in a game store while games a flop. There was a distinct focus on the power of handselling, merchandizing, and demo tables.
Business Plan – Presented by Travis Parry, this session looked at business planning for game stores.
Selling the Fun, Not the Meeple – David Steltenkamp focused on handselling strategies. In particular, selling the emotional benefits of a game, rather that the game’s parts.
Just a little excited to be at the GAMA Trade Show.
Financing 101 – Presented by David Steltenkamp and Aaron Witten, this session looked at the basics of store finances. I’ve never done this part of store business, so it was a fascinating look into profit & loss statements, balance sheets, etc.
RPG Evolution – Paul Butler examined the role play game landscape beyond D&D and Pathfinder. Including fostering a community, stocking a diverse range of books, barriers of entry, and other opportunities to grow an RPG section.
Lights, Camera, Game On! – Tony Cox, Scott Neal, and Stephen Kirwan looked at streaming as a new advertising channel for game stores. Topics discussed included content ideas, tips and tricks, and the benefits to the bottom line.
Challenges of a Cooperative Store – Mike Kistler tackled organizational leadership of a game store. Focus on store values and mission, staff training, setting policies and following through.
International Tabletop Day – Ivan Van Norman discussed what’s planned for this year’s ITTD and how it can help game stores.
Checking out Dungeon Crawl Classics in the RPG room.
Then there was a day and a half dedicated to upcoming game releases. Publishers got to preview their new new games for 2018. Some of the presentations were powerpoints, where others gave you a chance to demo the games.
There were so many panels that Blair and I had to divide and conquer. I got to attend presentations by CMON, Paizo Organized Play, Asmodee, Upper Deck, AEG, Paizo, and Mayfair Games.
A half day of the show is dedicated to the Exhibit Hall. Game publishers can setup booths for attendees to actually see some of the games, get demos, and talk one-on-one to publishers about the games. It’s also an opportunity for stores to place orders at trade show prices.
Forthcoming games I’m excited about:
Yamatai (Asmodee) – Feels like Five Tribes, but is a heavier European-style game.
Pandemic Legacy Season 2 (Asmodee) – Enough said.
Legendary X-Men (Upper Deck) – A larger expansion for Legendary deck building game.
Unicornus Knights (AEG) – A cooperative adventure game by Seiji Kanai, the creator of Love Letter.
Oath of the Brotherhood (AEG) – A worker placement game like Lords of Waterdeep, but pirate themed!
The Captain is Dead (AEG) – A cooperative space-themed game. Essentially Star Trek meets Pandemic.
Blair being a goof with Jason Bulmahn.
Starfinder (Paizo) – A new scifi-theme RPG from the creators of Pathfinder.
Colonists (Mayfair) – An epic strategy and worker placement game. This can take five hours for a whole game, but you can also just play certain eras for a shorter game.
In the evenings, attendees have the opportunity to play game demos. Our favourite was the RPG room. We got to participate in a demo of Dungeon Crawl Classics.
We also had the chance to sign up for a Starfinder demo. We were taken to a small conference room, just the right size for an RPG game. Paizo game designer Jason Bulmahn ran us through starship combat for the game. I got to play the engineer (surprise, surprise). Not only did we get a preview of a game we’re looking forward too, but we got to play it with the creator of Pathfinder, a game we love!
This past weekend was Terminal City Tabletop Convention! In it’s fourth year, our favourite gaming convention was back for two days at Bonsor Recreation Centre in Burnaby.
Our attendance at it was a bit different this year. We’d bought tickets, but TCTC’s organizer, Shannon, reached out and asked if we’d be willing to volunteer. So instead of attendees we got to be volunteers!
This year I DM’d my first ever convention game of Dungeons & Dragons 5e. I was nervous going in, but I’d spent a lot of time in the weeks leading up to TCTC prepping, so at least I was ready. My session was called “Intro to 5e” and it was meant as a learning game for newbies who were interested in tabletop RPGs or to 5th edition. I ran the 5e Starter Box, because it’s a great scenario to get people into 5e, it comes with pre-generated characters, and gives newbies a chance to dip their toes into the actual role playing side of things (rather than being so mechanics focused). My session filled up on sched.org a few weeks ago, which helped to bolster me a bit. It turned out to be a lot of fun!
Day one hosts the ever popular Gamer silent auction. You can put games you no longer play into the auction for $2 per entry, and pickup new-to-you games for a decent price! We always bring in games, and always end up with a haul of new games.
Blair and Aaron as Game Stewards, check out Tsuro. Photo by Rebecca Blissett at the Vancouver Courier.
Blair volunteered as a Game Steward. Attendees could borrow board games from the Game Library, and then Blair and other Game Stewards were on hand to teach the various games. It’s a great option for convention goers who weren’t able to get into schedules games. And if a game they wanted to play wasn’t scheduled, it was an opportunity to play it!
In the evening we borrowed Dice City from the library. It seemed intriguing to try. It reminded me a lot of Machi Koro, in that you roll dice to activate powers, and have to build your city up to gain points. We enjoyed it so much it got added to our ‘to-acquire’ game list.
We also tried a game called Bear Valley. Players have to follow a trail while avoiding bear attacks. Unfortunately we found the instruction booklet overly complicated and had to give up on it.
Obligatory convention dice picture.
We got to play Nevermore on Sunday. It’s a card drafting game somewhat like Sushi Go, except here you’re trying to build a suit of a certain type, and then attack your opponents. Not a bad little quick game. The artwork on it is really lovely.
Blair helped to run a Pandemic Survival tournament. It’s definitely an interesting take on traditional Pandemic. Multiple Pandemic boards are setup exactly the same way (the player decks and outbreak decks). Cards are flipped at the same time, and whichever team of two can find a cure for the three viruses in the least number of steps, wins.
Character Sheet
Hi! I’m Andrea (she/her). Welcome to my little corner of the internet.
Conduit for nonsense and delight. Storyteller, RPGer, board gamer, bibliophile, writer, tea drinker, introvert, hybrid Jeep owner, living with cancer. Pan and Ace. 🖤🤍💜 Boss lady at Adventure Dice and (on leave) Terminal City Tabletop Convention.
Here you’ll find some of my fiction, slice of life stuff, TTRPG and community building insights, and life with stage 4 cancer.
ways to support me
All the writing you find here you’re welcome to read free of charge! I just want to get my words out in the wild. But, if you enjoyed my work and you’d like to buy me a cuppa tea… here’s a few ways you can support me.
Blair and I just had a gamer bucket list item scratched off! We just returned from the 
This past weekend was Terminal City Tabletop Convention! In it’s fourth year, our favourite gaming convention was back for two days at Bonsor Recreation Centre in Burnaby.
